Bored teen - or is he depressed?

The first thing to say is that many teenage boys act like this – although that’s no comfort to parents going through it at the time!

One of the concerns you should eliminate is that he is actually clinically depressed. From your letter it is difficult to know whether your son has recently started acting like this or whether it has been gradually building up over a period of time. Think back – have there been any major incidents in his life like a grandparent dying? Has your family situation changed in any way? Has he recently changed schools? All these life events can impact on a child’s self-esteem and sometimes parents are unaware that their offspring have picked up on their own worries.
  
So in the first instance it would be a good idea to make an appointment for your son with your GP who can also make sure there are no underlying medical reasons for your son’s behaviour. If he does need treatment for depression the “talking therapies” have been shown to work best as many anti-depressants are not suitable for children and teenagers.
 
You should also arrange to see your son’s form tutor at school. He or she may be able to shed some light on why you son is feeling so negative and you can work out strategies to get him into a more positive frame of mind.
   
On a practical level, think back to activities he used to enjoy and see if you can get him to engage in them again – as a young adult rather than a child. You say he doesn’t have many friends but that implies he has some, so do a bit of detective work and see how they are spending their time – ask their parents if you know them.
  
Depression and low self-esteem become a vicious circle so you need to help your son break the pattern. He needs to understand that thinking about negative things will make him feel more stressed and low, so:

• Encourage him to have more positive thoughts and to focus on what is going well in his life.
• Celebrate his strengths and anything he is good at.
• Challenge the way he talks/thinks about himself so that he sees himself in a more positive light.
• Recall times when he was enjoying himself and try to recreate those circumstances.
• Regularly repeat positive experiences and events to build up his self-esteem.

  
Eating well – five fruits and vegetables a day – and exercise will also help improve his mood. He may hate sport because he doesn’t think he’s good at team games, for instance, so you need to find an activity which will get him out in the fresh air. Exercise releases “feel good” endorphins so persevere with this.